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Raven Symone, the Littlest Huxtable, Came Out? Thumbs Up (no homo)

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Coming Out is So Raven!

Raven Symone came out of the closet.

In what was probably the most mature tweet issued last week, the former child star (The Cosby Show, and That’s so Raven, just in case you didn’t already know) said, “I can finally get married! Yay government. So proud of you!”

Not unsurprisingly, there has been much gnashing of teeth as tweens took to twitter to collectively mourn their lost childhoods. Yes, by being honest and open about her sexuality, the innocence of thousands of youngins went up in a haze of rainbow colored smoke. It just took 11 words. Well, no homo, but, I’m proud of her.

No homo. It’s one of those things that people say when they are about to say something, anything, that could cast doubt upon their sexuality. Ie., “Vin Diesel has the perfect physique. No homo.”

What I meant was, should I choose to acquire a body through rigorous exercise and careful diet, my goal would be a physique like Vin Diesel, star of the Fast and Furious franchise. By the way, I’m straight. I have a wife and children and at 42 I would hope that, were I actually homosexual, I would have come out by now. Still I add no homo, just in case you misconstrue my acceptance of Raven Symone’s decision to live her life, or my appreciation of Vin Diesel’s work out practices, as an admission.

It’s pretty homophobic. No, it’s not like shouting slurs across the street; in fact, my gay friends (I do have a few) are none the wiser about my betrayal. It’s a victimless crime. But, still, it is homophobia at its purest. It is driven by fear that I will be labeled as gay.

As I wrote that, I think about the amount of bravery must have taken Raven to issue that tweet. I have nothing to lose, no fan base to disappoint, no childhoods to ruin, and I am straight. But I still added that little caveat.

Symone had a lot to lose. It is impossible to tell if this will have an impact upon her career, but it might. And she could have just kept her mouth shut. Let folks keep guessing. It is really nobody’s business but hers and her partner’s. But for all of those tweens who are crying about their childhoods, I’m guessing there are a few that really need somebody to look up to.

That makes me a liberal, Black hetero, homophobe. I think that everybody should be able to marry, but I don’t want to see two men kiss. Although I don’t mind if two women kiss. As long as they are attractive. In that, I am like a whole lot of other straight men out there. An absolute mess. And I don’t even know if I am ready for the open soul surgery that it will take to set me straight about Gay issues.

But I can offer a compromise. I will retire no homo, and I will try to make sure never to make my issues someone else’s responsibility. Like the children who are accusing Raven of ruining their childhoods.

You can blame your parents for that, or your siblings or the preacher or the teachers, but I’m pretty sure Raven Symone had nothing to do with your horrible childhood. So, stay off of Twitter and stay out of grown folks business.

Look. Me and the Cosby show go way back. Check out this other post about the universe that Bill created, here.

102 thoughts on “Raven Symone, the Littlest Huxtable, Came Out? Thumbs Up (no homo)”

  4. Years ago I was at Harrad Conservatory. It was the summer and I was the guard at the empty building. There was a production scheduled for the summer. A subcontracted out one day affair and I was to open the building and just watch the building as a security guard. The group renting out the facility was the gay community and they put on a stage production. It was two groups actually. Men and women who did not wish to mix together. I believe I was the only straight person there in a crowd of about one hundred people. The men were not interested in me and the women were not interested in me. I was really left out and it felt strange.

  5. Aw, I was touched by your honesty. Sometimes we find ourselves thinking or saying things that aren’t us. Most of us are judgemental in some way, even though we may never admit it (especially not to ourselves). I am glad you are dropping the “no homo” :)

  6. I’ve not ever heard this phrase before, so thanks for enlightening me (sometimes it takes me a while to get in the loop!) Around here, people tend to add the suffix, ‘…not that there’s anything wrong with that…’ Because, you know. Otherwise everyone would assume there were something terribly wrong O_o

    Good post, and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

    • Thanks Bean. I didn’t even know that I was Freshly Pressed until you mentioned it!
      I haven’t heard the term since I left that job. It might have been a generational thing. I’m 42 and most of my coworkers were young enough to be my kids. But it reminds me of an episode of Sienfeld, when they pepper every phrase with the words, “Not that there’s anything wrong with it…” To me it’s kind of the same. And equally dumb.

  8. “No homo?” That’s actually a ‘thing’? People are so ridiculous. WHen I was a teen, I was hit on by other females sometimes, I had some gay friends (still do, of course) and was also told “so and so” thought I was gay… and I was like… “okay…and…?” Like Johnny Galecki said, “why defend yourself against something that isn’t offensive?”

    • You’re right on all counts.
      But then, I grew up during a time when being called gay was that insult that the other guy threw out when he wanted to corner you into a fight. I’m convinced that is the root of homophobia for a whole lot of guys in this country. Not a hatred of gay people, but years of conditioning that to allow yourself to be associated with gay people would open yourself up to conflict. Hence the phrase, “no homo.”
      I’m not making excuses. It’s a pretty spineless way to live life,

      • Funny you should mention about the conditioning; see, I’m not an uber feminist or anything, but I’m definitely about women’s rights and not misogynistic or anything…and YET, I will be the first one to tell someone to “stop acting like a bitch” or to “put your big girl panties on,” as if somehow being compared to a female is an insult… We were conditioned to think acting like a “bitch” is bad.

  9. “You can blame your parents for that, or your siblings or the preacher or the teachers, but I’m pretty sure Raven Symone had nothing to do with your horrible childhood. So, stay off of Twitter and stay out of grown folks business.” – best, most sensible quote I’ve seen all day. I enjoyed this post!

    • Your absolutely right. And I suspect a lot of people are living their lives halfway because it, too. Although nobody in our circle gave it a second thought at the time, it sends a powerful and not at all subtle message.

  12. Really dig reading your post…The flow of the words reek with honesty; which regardless whether I’m in agreement or not..I can/do appreciate honesty. Presently we’re living in an age where IF anyone says anything against homosexuality; they instantly become the BAD guy/woman..I don’t agree with that concept nor do I think its cool NOR fair nor right…How can anyone wanting to NOT be judged; then flip the table to judge someone else for NOT agreeing with the Life they’ve chosen? Hmmmm..It is what it is and happens everyday. I don’t feel the need to add that I’m not a Homo to anything I write or think or say…That would be just as wild IF folks that are homosexual make comments regarding straight folks; and then add no heterosexual here! I think people are more often afraid to be honest with themselves; let alone others. Having said that? I don’t feel a NEED to constantly profess what my sexuality is..Nor will I . What folks do in “their” bedroom is their business! And since I don’t dig nor waste electricity watching reality shows? I truly don’t give a hot dang what folks DO in their lives/bedrooms. Then again though I don’t have to be concerned with folks mayhaps becoming violent towards me; just based on who I feel I am. Hmmm..Or don’t I as a Black woman? How about how Black males are treated in our country these days? I won’t get into what I feel should be the Law of the Land regarding Matrimony. There is enough talk in the media and courtrooms and etc…on that topic. I will however admit to feeling pretty much the same as you about what I want to “see” with my own eyes out and about…But again there are plenty of things going on in our society that I would personally like to NOT have to see..We learn to leave and accept and tolerate others…Or least that is what I feel we should do IF we also want to be treated as such…I have followed little Raven’s career since way backintheday on the Cosby show..I’m proud she was able to overcome and maintain and build UP a career; which isn’t always the outcome for childhood stars. For the most part she’s lived a private life since the Cosby show..I personally don’t foresee her making any more of a splash publicly on this topic than her tweet. Dug her before her tweet. And dig her after her tweet. People are people no matter what their sexual preference IS..I don’t have to be a homosexual to appreciate and live in that manner..Again, enjoyed reading your post. Made me take a moment to reflect on this topic…2 thumbs UP

    • One of the reasons I decided to write about Raven is because it is outside of my comfort zone.
      You mentioned, “If anyone says anything against homosexuality, they become an instant bad guy.” Not making excuses for it, but I have heard the same criticism leveled at Black people by white people. And I usually respond that although you might not understand where it is coming from, we have a whole hell of a lot of reasons to be mad. You touched on this in your comment. I think they have a lot of reasons to be angry too.
      As for the things that I would rather not see on the street, the list is long and includes over the top pda, be it hetero or homo, and jeans that sag so low that they are cinched around the thighs (it’s actually pretty popular here in Atlanta.) None of those things should be legislated against. Truth be told, none of them are any of my business.
      Thanks so much for commenting. I’m glad you see where I am coming from. I’m not perfect or enlightened or even wise, but I am trying to be honest.

      • Honesty is the only thing that works for me…Black or Homosexual I don’t feel gives a person the right to go off or heap a guilt trip on a person who gives them honest feedback..I am a Black woman whose nearest roots are from parents born/bred in New Orleans; never and I mean never have I gotten angry with a person asking me about my Blackness..And I get it ALOT..Especially from other Black folks who question IF I am Black or not…As IF..Lolll I won’t even go into that topic right now..oh! And I love seeing pda…Especially from married couples..I find that terribly sexy..I just do NOT want to see 2 dudes doing it; and thankfully it isn’t something I’ve seen much of in my entire life..And I just made 50. Again, lots of people and folks pass judgement on things that are NONE of their business..You and I included..It just seems to be a part wiring issue of being human..Regardless of whether we or anyone apologizes it is WRONG..For if we Believe in God , which I do, we should know better that we don’t have right to judge anyone….Truly hard to do & think as I know I’m supposed to do as a Christian..Now that is a topic worth blogging on also!

        • I have never been gone off on by a gay person. I have, however, gone off on a Black person over the issue that you just mentioned. “Your not dark enough to really be Black…you don’t talk Black…” I think you must be a bit more mature than I am. Lol.

          • Ha! Not sure if I can claim being more mature; just understanding..I am if nothing else a people-loving social butterfly with a gift for gab and a very very BIG heart…I have to get fed UP with something before I go OFF..And when I do I am dang good at it! lol..However I just don’t think much is gained from it and it doesnt promote UNITY. Recently when I got the upteenth comment from Blacks @ Are U Spanish or Latino or Hispanic? And the you”ve not lived the Black experience..I finally let loose in a post right here on my blog..But in person because I understand and am well read in our history of the issues WE maintain due to slavery…i.e..colorisms, separatism within the Black community, the good hair/bad hair bullshiiite, the white doll experiments…etc etc I bite my tongue deep so as not to go OFF…I can relate and I understand…But I’m also pretty sick of it being factual. And till more of us get sick of it; it will continue to be passed on to generations behind us…Btw enjoying the dialogue!

          • Problem with friends or anyone else is this though…They might not be aware they’re saying offensive things..Why? Because they’ve said it for SO long..Like the good hair/bad hair thing; I’m sorry but that just shouldn’t be a phrase WE use! Why? Cause it can make children with so called no-good hair feel funky about themselves..Same thing with saying light skinned or fair skinned Blacks are cuter or more attractive..That IS the type of B.S. that not only isn’t true; but has been passed down from how light skinned Blacks were treated different than dark skinned Blacks during Slavery..THAT is factual but I didn’t allow other folks to make the sons I co-raised feel they were any different based on looks..So when people would say ohhh your youngest two have such beautiful good hair?!? I nipped IT..I wouldn’t allow anyone to make my eldest son have a complex about himself..He was/IS just as attractive! as his younger 2 brothers..We can’t change how people feel or act, people who are Black or White or whatever their sexual orientation is, but WE can refuse to allow folks to heap that crap onto our children’s ears, minds, & backs…Question is how can people know better if they’re not taught better?

  15. I feel like our current understanding of “straight” and “gay” are way too restrictive. Can’t someone just love someone else regardless of gender? If a man goes out with a man, or a woman with a woman, does that mean they’ve committed themselves to being with the same gender for the rest of their lives (or vice versa?) I don’t really get it. It’s not like the straight-gay way of thinking is a universal thing, either.

    But it’s pretty cool that you can disconnect like that. I hope one day we can all just live and love without worrying about how society or the government feels about it.

    • I think part of the problem is that these things become so politicized. Our system has become very adept at using race baiting and class baiting, and sexuality baiting, to enable them to have elections without ever talking about real issues. Strip away politics and pop culture, and you’re left with folks just getting along, or not, on their own terms. I think that would be a step in the right direction.

      • Hey CGLOVER25,

        I love your comment here……..

        “I think part of the problem is that these things become so politicized. Our system has become very adept at using race baiting and class baiting, and sexuality baiting, to enable them to have elections without ever talking about real issues. Strip away politics and pop culture, and you’re left with folks just getting along, or not, on their own terms. I think that would be a step in the right direction.”

        Thanks for your post and congratulations on getting freshly pressed!

    • As a man with bisexual orientation (and married to a woman of similar orientation), I find that understanding, or rather, the expression of such, INCREDIBLY annoying. Some assume things like “will bump anything on two legs” and “not in a committed relationship”. Or “actually gay, but not ready to admit as such”. All of that led to misunderstandings with family and friends.

  16. I have heard a few things about that comment and was wondering what it meant, exactly. Thanks for enlightening me, and for your honesty.
    There are certain times we should just shut our mouths: When we say “No offense, but…” or “Sorry, but…” and now we can add this to the list!:) If we have to make excuses for what we are saying, it is probably better left unsaid.

    • Thanks for your comment Mommy. There are times to shut up, but also, there comes a time in a person’s life when they have to stop caring so much about other people’s opinions. I’m 42. I passed that threshold about a lot of things a long time ago. But this one issue was like a holdout from high school.

  18. Nice breakdown of the whole “No Homo” thing! I like reading other people’s work who write very genuinely.

    I’ll certainly be following your blog from now on and I hope you can find interest in my blog and follow me back!

  19. I’m another one who’s never heard of ‘no homo’, but I’m not around a lot of 20-something pop cultural folks. Raven Symone’s tweet is news to me as well. Good for her if that’s what she felt she needed to say. She was an adorable little thing on The Cosby Show, even though sometimes she was dressed like a tiny clown. That was cute too. Nice post! I’ll be back to read more.

  20. Tell you the truth, I’ve heard “That’s so gay,” but never “no homo.” I applaud your confessing your homophobia – although it’s way mild in the scheme of things. I mean, I don’t know many straight guys who DON’T enjoy seeing two girls kiss. It’s standard in most porn movies.

    I am concerned about your discomfort in seeing two men kiss, but I believe the man-with-man thing is more uncomfortable for men than for women. Probably because man-on-man kissing probably leads to other stuff involving plumbing issues you’d rather not think about. But get this – it’s just kissing. I’ve never known my gay male friends to swap spit majorly in public – unlike straight folks, who bump and grind so hard on the dance floor, they should be using a condom!

    Remember, as the song says, “A kiss is still a kiss… a sigh is just a sigh….”

    I also know that, if you are a churchgoing man, male homophobia is rampant in “black church,” as it is in Hispanic churches, Baptist, Mormon, etc. So there might be a little “pastorphobia” in the back of your mind. It’s the reason so many men of color are on the “down low.” As long as they don’t admit it, it’s not real.

    Peace and thanks, Amy Barlow Liberatore, Madison, WI (a blogger, bipolar ex-jazz singer married to a UCC pastor!!)

    • Hey Sharp. Thanks for your comment.
      As for the issue of two men kissing, I have to just shrug my shoulders. Honestly, I’m not crazy about over the top pda from gay folks or straight folks. Yeah… the plumbing issues fall firmly into that area that is none of my business.
      I don’t go to church, for a number of reasons. I believe in God, and I actively worship, but I do not consider myself to be Christian.
      That being said, you made the comment about my point of view being a very mild form of homophobia. I agree. But I feel like it is a type of thing that allows a certain climate to take place. Black men feel compelled to be “down low” and young Black boys and girls in Philly and Atlanta are acting a fool, because they came out into a world with no support and no role models. It is mild, but these things are cumulative.
      I really appreciate your comment. I’m going to be checking out your blog.

    • I’m Mormon myself but haven’t really experienced a lot of male homophobia in the congregations I’ve been in. Honest. Southeastern WA here; we’re not quite like southern Idaho/Utah/other parts of Rocky Mountains folks. The Pacific Northwest is a little more laid-back, generally speaking.

  21. While I agree with your point, I disagree on one term: homophobia. You said in comments that ignorance is a better term than hateful, and I agree. I think it’s also a better term than “homophobia.” In every instance I’ve heard “no homo” used, I don’t think there’s a hint of doubt about anyone’s sexuality that would cause the speaker to fear someone would think he/she is gay. “They might think I’m gay” is never the motivation. It’s more like saying “so to speak” after something you know could be taken the wrong way. “No homo” is just stupid banter and terrible choice of words, like saying something is “retarded.” (I used to do that often, and thankfully my wife pulled me aside and corrected me.)
    This phrase is kept alive by ignorance of how it feels to be in the shoes of someone to whom the word has significant painful meaning. As more people come out and as the culture shifts, it will be harder for individuals to see this as a harmless phrase.

    • Hey sonworshiper.
      I kind of disagree. I can’t say how you use the term, but I can say that some people use it more or less just how it sounds. I don’t think there is any malice implied, but the words set the tone for your surroundings.
      Not only that, but with adults in certain surroundings, a person’s sexuality can’t be assumed. The people that I know who have been open with me, did not tell me their orientation right away. In some cases it took years for that conversation to even come up.
      From my point of view, a person doesn’t have to be malicious to be homophobic, or racist, or sexist… If you create a climate where someone might feel like they are invalid by their very existence, you are being homophobic.

      • I may have been guilty of using the term at some point, but I try not to. It’s on that list in my head called “Things you shouldn’t say.”
        I guess it’s semantics, but the “phobia” thing is what gets me. I’m a linguist, so maybe I’m just picky about words and their meanings. It’s not an issue of fear in most cases that I see. (Of course this is limited to my experience with people that get labeled “homophobic,” so I am not speaking for every case.)
        It might be ignorance. It can probably be called intolerance, or “backwards Bronze Age narrow-minded religion” or whatever.
        I’ve been afraid of gay people exactly zero times in my life, but I’ve been accused both of being a homophobe and being homosexual. The latter was amusing. The former is annoying.
        Maybe what bugs me is that implied pejorative, like calling someone a chicken when we were little, saying, “What are you scared of, two guys in love? Homophobe!”
        Or maybe it’s just that “homophobic” is used to condemn and shut down opposition regardless of whether the word actually applies, like saying someone is a racist or misogynist instead of attacking or debating their argument.
        Someone who freaks out and says, “OMG stay away from them or else your kids might catch the gay!” yeah that’s homophobic. Though there are cases like that, I don’t think that’s the root motivation for many. But too often, that assumption is what comes across.

        • There are degrees to everything. I think that a person can be a homophobe without having malicious intent. I have the same feelings concerning racism and sexism. The holocaust didn’t happen only because of people who had hatred for jews. It was also the people who were ambivalent. The people who might have had strong relationships with Jewish people, just not strong enough to stand up, en masse, when it mattered most. I stand by my usage of the word.
          As far as the word homophobe being used to condemn and shut down the opposition, so what? There are always assholes on both sides of an argument. And sometimes passion seeps into the discussion, and things go off the rails. But some things shouldn’t be argued like a debate society meeting. These are issues that inevitably have a greater impact upon one side than another. I’m thinking about racism, mainly because I have more experience here. When one person wants to debate as if they are in a college classroom, and the other person is explaining things as if his or her life depended on the outcome, their points of view are going to collide. But you said yourself, when you were called a homophobe, it was amusing. Surely there are worst things that have happened to you. Compared to the flack that a gay person might experience on a day to day basis, it’s not a big deal.

          • I was actually amused by being called a homosexual. I was deployed, and on my down time, I played piano, I read books at the library, I walked on the beach. I didn’t hang with “the guys” or go out drinking with the crew. So one of my crewmembers, on discovering I was married, declared “Wow, I just figured you were gay!” I guess I didn’t fit his definition of a straight male.
            You made that analogy of the holocaust and those who could have spoken up, but I think that only reaffirms my point. Those people didn’t hate or fear the Jews. They just didn’t care enough. Their ambivalence was the problem, and we can criticize them for that… we don’t call them anti-Semites, because that’s a different term and definition.
            If we just need to use “homophobe” as a catch-all term for “You’re not supportive enough of this group of people,” like how anti-abortion folks are deemed woman-haters and people who defend immigration laws get called racists, then sure, have a blast I guess. But ignorance and apathy are not fear and hate, and I refuse to call them by the wrong name.
            That’s where debate comes in. My ignorance and apathy can be corrected by a reasonable or persuasive argument. Accusing me of fear and hate puts me on the defensive and stops me from hearing whatever valid points the other side is trying to make. That’s all I’m getting at.
            Though we don’t see eye to eye, thanks for the discussion.

          • Your comment is so long. I am going to just break it into little pieces. First off,anti-semiticism and homophobia are, of course, two different things. They are not comparable. One is against the group, and another is frightened by the group. So we don’t call them anti-semites because it wouldn’t be appropriate. Just as there are some people who love gay people, but are still afraid of them as a group or feel uncomfortable around them on an individual basis. The net affect of not caring enough is almost as heavy as hatred. I don’t see the need to make that distinction, as they go hand in hand. But I stick by my choice of the word, homophobia. What baggage may have become attached to it is immaterial. The fact is, if a person is afraid of a group, or afraid to be associated with that group, we can say that they have a phobia.
            I am using the word in a very narrow, but appropriate context. Your are using it as a catch all for, “you are not supportive enough.l..” I am saying that homophobia, in this case, is a jumping off point for introspection. You are attaching things to the term, based on the current climate of discourse. I don’t think that is a wise or fair thing to do.
            I didn’t accuse you of ignorance, apathy, fear or hate. And honestly, I can’t blame a person for being fearful or ignorant. I can blame them for being apathetic or hateful. But that is their journey, not mine. And if you choose to miss an opportunity to learn from a situation because a person uses a word that puts you on the defensive, then you are the one missing out on that opportunity. Like I said, it’s your journey. But if you are defensive about something, you should ask yourself why.

          • I think my comments average about as long as your own. : )
            Thank you, yes, I understand that antisemitism and homophobia are two different terms with very different definitions. They’re not comparable… but you brought up the holocaust and the apathy of those who could have spoken up for the Jews, so I ran with it since you mentioned it. We both called it ambivalence, because that’s what it was. We don’t say those people feared or hated the Jews. But in this current conversation, “homophobe” appears to be a go-to term for anything that disagrees with the gay rights movement or message. I do see how you found a moment of introspection by considering the phrase “no homo,” and there’s certainly value in that. But in so doing, you come across assuming that everyone who uses that phrase does so from fear of association with homosexuality, and not from simple apathy or ignorance.
            I didn’t mean to imply you accused me of anything, but for further introspection, what I’m saying is that calling someone a homophobe assumes knowledge about their motivation that is probably unavailable to the outside observer. Calling someone a name doesn’t advance conversation, only condemnation. And perhaps I or the hypothetical hearer being called a homophobe shouldn’t be defensive, sure. But I imagine if I wag my finger at you and call you a racist, that doesn’t exactly encourage interest in what I have to say.

          • I thought I had responded to your comments earlier. I guess they didn’t post.
            First off, I brought up the holocaust to make a point by how powerful apathy is. There are a whole lot of people on both sides of the fence, but most are right in the middle. They might know some people who are gay, and they might be in favor of marriage equality, but on a day to day basis, they just don’t give enough of a damn to step into the dialogue and point out BS when they see it. If things don’t directly affect us, we just don’t care. Injustice happens largely because of those people.
            There are comparatively few anti-gay zealots; not enough to change the climate of our country. Not if all of the people who know better, but just don’t care, just spoke up.
            So, in my eyes, apathy is almost as damaging as homophobia, or racism, or sexism. Because it enables the zealous minority to lord over the disenfranchised.
            As for the assumption that everyone who uses the phrase is homophobic, I don’t remember saying that about anyone but myself. And if there is anyone that I can safely label homophobic, it’s me. But I simply don’t agree that I have to know someone’s motivation to be able to suggest that they are homophobic, or racist, or sexist. As you said, it is impossible to know what motivates a person. But Their actions are right there, for all of the world to see. So that is what we will always be judged for.
            Look. When we don’t control the words that fall out of our faces, sooner or later someone else is going to check us on them. So, rather than playing spin doctor, think. If something comes from a place of ignorance, then count yourself lucky to have gotten a piece of education.

            We have a difference of opinion about one thing. You look at the words homophobe, sexist, racist, etc… as nuclear options. Discussion enders. These are the things that are said right before someone picks up their toys and goes home. I look at them as adjectives. Descriptors.
            Somehow people have gotten the impression that to be accused harboring a bias is as harmful as being victimized by a bias. As a result, calling someone racist became as bad as being racist. And that’s bullshit. People live with racism everyday. Ask the millions that were racially profiled under New York’s stop and frisk laws, if they wouldn’t gladly trade regular, legally sanctioned police shakedowns, for the option of being called racist on a quarterly basis.
            I look at it like this. This is a country that was built upon one racist institution after another. Sexism was written into the fabric of our laws. These things are part of the scaffolding of America. So should I be surprised when someone grows up biased towards another race? Absolutely not.
            I grew up in a place where being gay was not acceptable. So, if a person thinks that I would step out of that environment without any preconceived notions or hangups, they’re expectations are too high. All I can do is try to handle those things. Which is what I am doing.
            The same goes for every other ism. It’s not shocking that a White person might have picked up some biases about Black people; especially if your contact is limited to what you see on TV or movies. That’s racism, plain and simple. Those biases are what racism is made out of.
            The measure of a person is, when you are called out, do you look at your bullshit, or do you get mad because they say what they had to say in a way that you wanted to hear.
            I say again, control the words as they fall from your face. If you don’t, you sure can’t control the words that someone uses when they check you.
            And if, when you hear the words racism, sexism, homophobia, etc… you stop listening, then that’s your fault. Not theirs.

  22. I genuinely appreciate this view point and this was exceptionally well written, however I have a thought for you to consider. There is a way to use the phrase to actually enrich the meaning of a sentence.

    I support gay marriage. No homo.

    I support it because it is right, not because of any self interest. It has marginal impact on my life, if any, but I support it. I have much more complex opinions on marriage in general, but yeah… sometimes “No Homo” is actually not a bad thing to point out.

  23. What a rad post! It’s a mark of a very secure masculine identity to openly discuss issues (around sexuality) that make you uncomfortable. Double wamy: challenge peoples attitudes towards the gay community AND challenge peoples perceptions of straight men and how they ‘should’ feel about homosexuality. In South Africa most of the cool guys (and by ‘cool’ I obviously mean laughably lazy, jocky types) will make disparaging remarks about gay and lesbian people to affirm their own identities. Let’s hope your attitude spreads south pretty soon!

    • Thanks Amy! Your in South Africa? I worked for a newspaper in Philadelphia for a while, a long time ago. I am pretty sure that nothing I wrote was read outside of a 20 mile radius of our offices. I’m having a nerd-gasm.
      Here, a lot of jocky types here are just as backwards as they are there, but a lot aren’t. Sometimes I am impressed by how forward thinking people have become.Sometimes.
      Thanks for commenting!

  24. Love this post in all my straight-ness and in all my love for my LGBTQ friends and family members. Very mature of Raven to “come out” like this and makes me laugh thinking that people even call it “Coming Out”, heterosexual people don’t have to “come out” and shout the world that they love the opposite sex. It shouldn’t be so confronting/humiliating/scary/daunting for lesbians, homosexuals and transgendered people to tell the world of their sexuality in this way. It makes me feel very proud of my friends though who do feel the need to “come out”, as they’ve felt they’ve had to hide their sexuality from people and a public kind of announcement will make them feel that bit more comfortable in their own skin, as one reason. This is all obviously from my own point of view. Whether you “come out” or not, everyone should be welcomed and celebrated in this world, because life is too short to worry about who loves who and why.

    • Your right. Everyone should be welcomed and celebrated. Lord knows when everyone will actually reach that level of acceptance.
      I also feel like people really need to analyze why they react to certain scenarios. Ultimately, you can’t always control how you process a certain piece of information – for example, Raven Symone’s announcement – but you can recognize that your issues are your responsibility, and nobody else’s.
      Thanks for your comment Lauren.

  27. I don’t have as powerful foes as you, Chad.

    I just blog about one of the 5 largest forums, City Data (size claimed by administrator) and the fact that they allow racism, homophobia, and hate speech amongst other things despite having a ToS that prohibits all that.

    One poster, EdwardA calls homsexuals “deviants”, “abnormal” etc. Yet we can’t get the Moderators to moderate those comments.

    We think that one of the 5 largest forums in the US should actually deliver on what they say they do in their Terms of Service.

    I could use a powerful ally, and one that fights Gods seems to fit.;)

    Maybe we wll see ya around the blogosphere. Shot ya a follow.

    Have a great night.

    • Hey Kaufman. Thanks for the comment. I’m definitely checking out your blog. Before we moved to Atlanta we checked out Citydata a lot. My wife and I both noticed the racism, but we shrugged it off as if it were bathroom graffiti. I’m glad you are challenging them to live up to their supposed standards. I’ll be in touch.

      • Thanks, a few posters combine racism with rampant homophobia, and we can’t get the mods to enforce their own ToS.

        We’ve DM’d Senior Mods, the Admin and finally had to go public.

        We started off thinking we’d just report the posts and that would be it.

        But it’s not…

        Many postshave been reported 6 times, (and we actually document it with some screenshots on occasion), and DM mods assigned to the forum in question, even mods not assigned to that particular forum….

        We have a little fun with it with funny graphics and stuff, but the homophobia, racism and hate speech is real.

  32. I have a friend who passively introduced me to “no homo.” I do find it homophobic. Is it any better than starting a sentence with “I’m no faggot, but…”? The need to let people know you’re not gay just in case comes from the same school as “that’s so gay” to describe something that is “less than [whatever].” I assumed that for the most part it was part of my friend’s lexicon becasue he is young and urban and that’s what all his young, urban friends say. I don’t think he even understood, really, what he was saying. Thank you for a very insightful read!

  33. Great post and good insight. I think it is true that “no homo” is most popular with younger males, and is a cultural term that many don’t think twice about. Of course it is homophobic, even if it is victimless. I admit, I have a problem with referring to things as “gay,” when I’m trying to note something negative. It’s not right, and I’m really trying to take it out of my vernacular. I think the rapper Macklemore makes some really good points about the way we use homophobic language all the time in the song “Same Love.”

    • I have to check Macklemore out. I’m not into contemporary hip hop. All I know about him is that Method Man accused him of stealing the act of walking across his crowd’s hands, which is funny on a lot of levels. Thanks for the comment. I’ve cleaned up a lot of my act, but mostly because I’ve got a three year old who repeats everything. Get yourself one of them and watch how quickly your vocabulary gets G Rated.

    • Okay. I don’t think that being queer is offensive. The post is about my process of examining my brain.
      Squashing?
      Um, okay, I guess you think that people should all experience a eureka moment, suddenly aligned to the needs and perspectives of every community. That’s not how it usually works. And if that is what you are waiting for, the day when everyone spontaneously outgrows every bias and ism in a flash of bright light, without any dialogue or give and take, good luck with that. In the meantime, go read a book or have a beer or something.
      You’re welcome.

      • maybe i didnt type from my brain
        enough
        wot i meant was i find it
        odd
        that some people think being homosexual is bad/different and in some cases a novelty
        and was not judging
        you
        or anything
        you wrote
        i will look forward to my next beer yes
        thanks

        • Sorry Northern. I wrote the response before I saw that you had liked the piece.
          I’ve had one or two negative responses, and a few that made me scratch my head. Maybe I was responding to them through my response to you. That’s not cool…
          But… there you go.
          Enjoy that beer.

  35. I’ve got to say I was actually disappointed that she came out. I know, I know, I’m terrible for saying this but that was my honest reaction. I do think its wrong, HOWEVER; I know some gay ppl and first off, I don’t judge them for what they chose to do with their life but how they treat ppl and themselves. I worked for 4 years for a gay man and he was awesome. We just never talked about his life outside of work very often. I will not force my beliefs on anyone but if asked, yes I will state how I feel (hopefully respectfully). Your post had good points and like you, I myself don’t want to see two men kissing. Seeing as I am female I’d prefer that two women not kiss either. I will say, not to be judgmental I think that should go with any PDA. Frankly, I don’t want to explain to my three young kids why they see two of the same sex making out nor should I have to explain why a male female are doing the same. They see mommy and daddy kiss and show affection but never more than should be in front of them (and they know its ok b/c we are married). It shows we love each other. Whatever ppl chose to do with their lives–fine, whatever but don’t make it to where I can’t raise my kids to be as innocent as possible for as long as possible b/c you want to flaunt your sexuality to prove a point. I think thats what is wrong with kids nowadays, they aren’t allowed to be kids and play with dolls or go outside and me not have to worry about the other 6 year old using the f bomb. Wow, ok, time to get off my soap box. Sorry, I enjoyed your post.

    • Hey Nicole. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. I was proud of her for coming out, but I hear what your saying. If you were disappointed, then there is nothing wrong with you being honest about it.
      I know what you mean about letting kids be kids. I agree, it is very hard to protect their innocence. I feel like that every time I turn on the radio. They are listening to the beats. I’m listening to the lyrics. They say that they can separate the artist actions from their words. I disagree and change the channel. It’s a challenge.
      But besides PDA’s (gay and, for the most part straight) I don’t feel like homosexuality is one of those things that I have to protect them from.
      Yes, there have been some awkward occasions – two women kissing at a PTA meeting come to mind – but they very seldom happen. Not only that, but I don’t think that over the top PDA’s are representative of gay folk, any more than the lecherous old dude at the club is representative of straight men.
      Truth be told, I feel like my children are miles ahead of me with this matter. They have an aunt that is gay. She is open and honest with them. They will probably grow up being far wiser than I am.
      BTW. I do not feel that knowing a gay person will turn them gay. Not that you feel that way, but I know a lot of people do. So, I’m just putting it on the table.
      Thanks for the comment Nicole. Get on your soapbox anytime you want. Have a good night.

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