I have this video of me at a batizado. For those who don’t know, a batizado is a capoiera ceremony. It’s part belt test and part family reunion.

I was  giving my demonstration to earn my white chord. The white chord signifies the same thing in capoiera as it does in almost every other martial art. It says that you are a beginner.

One day I’ll post it. Right now, I have a hard time even looking at it. I had been playing capoiera once or twice a week for about six months before the batizado. I thought I was getting somewhere. That demonstration and the resulting video were humbling. If you listen closely, you can hear a woman say, “Uh uh. He don’t need to be doing this.” She was standing behind my step kids. In fairness to myself, she needed a kick up her ass for being so careless. If you are going to talk trash, you need to make sure that the person’s children aren’t around.

One day I’ll post it. It is painful proof that I am not ready. When it comes to the first rule, I fail.

Let’s be real, Zombieland’s Rule #1 is a baseline for almost every apocalyptic scenario there is. I’m trying to think of one movie that doesn’t have at least one scene involving a whole bunch of people running like hell. Well, there’s those guys in the front; they just might make it. Then there is the other guys. The ones who just get swallowed up by the crowd. Maybe they trip and get stampeded. Maybe they get devoured. Or both. Depends on who or what is chasing them. I don’t want to be one of those guys. I don’t want to have to throw the keys to my wife and tell her, “Go on without me!”

I am taking actions to insure I am at the front of the pack. I’ll spare you the details because nobody wants fitness advise from a fat guy, any more than they want swimming pointers from the guy wearing the floaties on each arm. What I will do, however, is make posts that demonstrate functional fitness. There are a lot of different ways to achieve Zombie Readiness. And maybe, throwing a sledge hammer around is more relevant than banging out sets on a Nautilus machine.